Alternative Facts in Eastern Utopia/Article and Interview/Dangerous Things

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Front Pages[edit]

Page 30-31
< Article: Tsukumo Sisters   Alternative Facts in Eastern Utopia   Article: Eirin Yagokoro >

AFiEUDangerousThings.jpg
総力特注
こんなに沢山あった!
幻想郷をじわじわ蝕む
アブナイ物の数々!!
知らないではすまされない!
Full-Power Special Report! There Were That Many?! DANGEROUS Things Keep Eating Away at Gensokyo! You’ve gotta hear about this!
←気になる詳細は次Pへ! ←Interesting details on the next page!

Article 1[edit]

Page 32-33
< Front Pages   Alternative Facts in Eastern Utopia   Article: Nitori Kawashiro >

AFiEUEirin1.jpg

普段から使い慣れてる物が、
実はとんでもない危険をはらんでいると知った時、
皆さんは一体どう思うだろうか?
今回はそんなとっておきのスクープ記事を
2本立てでお届けしよう。

What will you think when you learn that the everyday things, which you’ve grown so used to using, are actually rife with unthinkable danger? This time we’re coming at you with two special scoops!

これがアブナイ! その1
効きすぎるクスリの
不都合な"真の効果"!!
This is DANGEROUS! Example 1! The inconvenient “true effects” of medicine that works too well!!!
そこに見え隠れするのは
あの"危険思想集団"
月の都の影…
一体何を
信じればいい?

What lurks within that “mass of dangerous thoughts!” The shadow of the Lunar City… Just what on earth should you believe?

人間の里の間でも評判が高い「蓬莱薬局」が販売する薬。値段も大変良心的で効果も高く、販売が開始されてからはめっぽう人気の薬だ。読者の中には、家に蓬莱薬局を訪れようとした方もいるのではないだろうか。それくらい信頼を勝ち得ている薬だ。 Highly regarded even within the human village, it’s a medicine sold by the “Hourai Pharmacy.” With an extremely fair price and high effectiveness, it’s been an extraordinarily popular medicine since its sale first began. There are probably people in your own home who’ve tried visiting Hourai Pharmacy. It’s a medicine which has earned that much trust.
だが、薬がもたらす危険性について誰も指摘しないのは不可思議なところだ。ここに掲載したのは、とある薬が封入されている箱にこっそりと記されている注意事項である。皆さんはこれを実際に読んだことがあるだろうか? 残念ながら殆ど読み飛ばされているだろう。だが、見れば恐ろしいことばかりが書かれている。特に見ていただきたいのが3番の注意書きだ。蓬莱薬局に意味を問い合わせたところ「妖精や幽霊は消滅する可能性がある」という驚きの回答だった。 However, the fact that no one has pointed out the dangers which it brings about is truly bizarre. What’s published here are the warnings discretely written on the inside of a certain medicine’s box. Everyone, have you actually read these before? Unfortunately, most of you have probably just skimmed over them. But if you look, there are only dreadful things written. In particular, I’d like you to take a look at Warning #3. When I inquired to the Hourai Pharmacy as to the meaning, they gave the shocking answer, “it may cause the annihilation of fairies, ghosts, etc.”
他に妖怪にどのような影響をもたらすのか気になったので、本誌は独自に調査をしてみた。まず白狼天狗に服用させてみたが、特に変化は無い。次に黒谷ヤマメ氏に服用させたところ、飲み込んでから10秒ほど経つと、悶え苦しみ始めた。 We became interested regarding what effects this medicine might have on other youkai, so this magazine performed an original investigation. First, we had a white wolf tengu take a dose but there were no particular changes. Next was Ms. Yamame Kurodani. Ten seconds after we administered a dose, she began to suffer.
人間にはあまり知られていないが、薬を販売しているのが永遠亭なのは周知の事実である。この薬を喜んで受け入れてしまう。洗脳のような効果が隠されているのかもしれない。一刻も早く、このようなものを口にするのは止めるべきだ。 Although it’s not well-known to humans, it’s a commonly knowledge to others that those selling the medicine are Eientei. People gladly accept this medicine, unfortunately. Its brainwashing-like effects have likely been concealed. You should cease ingesting this type of medicine as soon as possible.
頓服薬

用法・容量
1日3回、食後30分以内に各1錠ずつ服用のこと

蓬莱薬局
Directions and Dosage

Take one pill three times a day, within 30 minutes of eating.

Hourai Pharmacy
<服用に際しての諸注意>

1. 次の人は服用しないでください。
  (1)本剤または本剤の成分によりアレルギー症状(発疹・発赤・かゆみ、浮腫など)を起こしたことがある人。
  (2)本剤または他の解熱鎮痛薬、風邪薬を服用して喘息を起こしたことがある人。
  (3)胃・十二指腸潰瘍を起こしている人。
  (4)出血傾向(手足に点状出血、紫斑ができやすいなど)のある人。
  (5)出産予定日12週以内の妊婦。
2.次の人は服用前に医師または、薬物販売員にご相談ください。

<中略>

3.小児・妖精・幽霊の手の届かないところに保管してください。
4.ご使用に際しては、説明文書をよくお読みください。

5.直射日光の当たらない湿気の少ない涼しい場所に保管してください。
Cautions for Ingestion

1. The following people should not take this medicine.

   (1) Those with allergy-like symptoms in reaction this medicine or its ingredients (rash, redness, itchiness, swelling, etc.) 
(2) Those who have developed asthma as a result of this medicine, fever relief medication, or other cold medication.
(3) Those with ulcers of the stomach or duodenum.
(4) Those who bleed easily (limbs which easily suffer from petechial hemorrhaging and purpura).
(5) Pregnant women within 12 weeks of giving birth.

2. The following people should consult with a doctor or pharmacist before taking this medicine.

(Omitted)

3. Please keep away from small children, fairies, and ghosts.
4. In case of ingestion, please carefully read the instructions.

5. Please store in a cool, dry place.

Article 2[edit]

Page 34-35
< Article: Eirin Yagokoro   Alternative Facts in Eastern Utopia   Article: Sekibanki >

AFiEUNitori1.jpg
これがアブナイ! その2
「新発見! 水素たっぷり
河童印の美味しい湧水」
に潜む、極大級の危険性!
火傷してしまってから
では全てがもう手遅れだ!!
This is DANGEROUS! Example 2!
“New Discovery! Kappa-Approved Hydrogenous[1] Spring Water” and the Maximum Danger that Lurks Within!


By the time you’ve burned yourself, you’re already already too late!
私は湧水について河童たちが「水素」がどうのと会話しているのを小耳に挟んだことがある。そして、また別のルートから集めた情報によるとこの水には「水素」という物質と「酸素」という物質が豊富に含まれることが判明した。恐ろしいことに、このどちらの物質も「燃える」ことに繋がるのである。 In passing, I heard a conversation between two kappa regarding what they thought of “hydrogen.” Then another source proved that this water contains an abundance of “hydrogen” and “oxygen.” What’s truly terrible is that both of these components are connected to the process of “combustion.”
つまりこの湧き水は「燃える水」……はるか昔、天皇に献じられた草生水(臭水)のことであると私は確信した。古い書物の記述にあるのだから間違いない。書物には「越の国、燃土、燃水を献る」と記されてあった。今はもう外の世界となってしまったが、黒川という場所らしい。 In other words, this spring water is “burnable water.” I confirmed that in the distant past, the Emperor had been presented with “Kusouzu” (stinky water).[2] It’s described in an old book, so there can be no mistaking it. In that old book, it was written that “the messenger of Koshi Province offered combustible dirt and combustible water as tribute to the Emperor.”[3] It’s already become part of the outside world, but that place is apparently called Kurogawa.
だが所詮は河童、古い文化のことを我々が知らないとでも思ったか。こんなものを飲ませて、一体どうしようというのだろう。だいたい宣伝されている効能が、ひとつでも当てはまるとは思えない。飲んだら吐くか、身体が燃えてしまうかのどちらかではないか? But did the kappa think that we didn’t know about ancient culture? Making us drink something like that… Just what should we do? I can’t imagine that a single one of the effects that have been so substantially advertised are fitting. If you drink it, wouldn’t you either throw it up, or your body would combust?
河童が言うには「飲んでから30分後には体内から消失する」とのことだが、30分以内に人体発火現象が起こるから、証拠が隠滅されるという話としか思えない。 The kappa say that “thirty minutes after drinking it, it disappears from your body.” But since the Human Combustion Phenomenon occurs within thirty minutes as well, I can only think that they’re talking about the destruction of evidence.
いくら商売がしたいからといって、このようにとんでもないものを売り出すとは河童というのは本当に恐ろしすぎる。くれぐれも迂闊に飲んでしまわないよう、ここに警告するものである。 The fact that the kappa are marketing such preposterous things, simply because they want to do some business is truly too awful. This is to sincerely warn you against carelessly drinking such a product.
(宣伝されている「湧水」8つの効果)
・老化防止
・肌の輝きが増す
・頭突きの威力増
・お腹が丈夫になる
・血液が美味しくなる
・痩身
・解毒
・水分補給
(The 8 effects of “Spring Water,” as advertised)

・Prevents aging
・Makes your skin more radiant
・Increases your head-butting abilities
・Makes your stomach healthy
・Your blood becomes delicious
・Weight loss
・Cleanses you of toxins

・Rehydrates you

Fact Check to Article 2[edit]

Page 134-135
< Fact Check: Toyosatomimi no Miko 1 (with Yoshika Miyako, Soga no Tojiko, and Mononobe no Futo   Alternative Facts in Eastern Utopia   Fact Check: Hatate Himekaidou 1 (about Sumireko Usami) >

AFiEUNitoriCheck.jpg
「新発見! 水素たっぷり河童印の湧水」(以下「水素たっぷり水」)の記事に関しては、完全にこちらの早とちりであった。実物を手に入れて火を近づけたところ、全く引火するような気配はなかった。 Concerning the article, “New Discovery! Kappa-Approved Hydrogenous Spring Water! (below, “Hydrogenous Spring Water”), I jumped to a number of hastily-drawn conclusions. After getting a hold of the product in question and drawing close to an open flame, there was absolutely no indication of catching fire.
記事で書いた草生水(臭水)とは現代では「石油」と呼ばれている液体で、「水素たっぷり水」とは全くの別物であった。これは記者の無知が招いた失態である。 The “Kusouzu” (stinky water) I wrote of in the article is a fluid nowadays called “oil.” “Hydrogenous water” is a completely different thing. This is a failure invited on by this writer’s own ignorance.
しかし、本物の「水素たっぷり水」を手に入れたが、河童が謳うような効能があるのかは怪しい。色々調べても、「その辺の川の水」より「水素たっぷり水」の方が美味しいと答えた被験者が三人いた(被験者五人)程度であって、水分補給以外の効能のような者は特に感じられず、普通の水と大きな差異が認められなかった。やっぱり引き続き調査が必要である。 However, although I got a hold of this actual “Hydrogenous Water,” it’s dubious that the sorts of effects the kappa insisted upon actually exist. Upon investigating, three out of five subjects answered that “Hydrogenous Water” was more delicious than “river water from the area.” Not feeling any significant effects outside of rehydration, the subjects also couldn’t recognize any significant difference between this product and normal water. Naturally a follow-up interview is necessary.
そこで改めて、本物の「水素たっぷり水」を追求する虚偽のない記事を書いた。次にあるのがそれだ。 So, in pursuit of a story concerning actual “Hydrogenous Water” which is free of falsehood, I wrote another article. What follows is that story.
Truth
「新発見!水素たっぷり
河童印の美味しい湧水」
は唯の美味しい湧水?山の雪解け
清涼な天然水を入れた
だけのインチキ詐欺商品だ!
“New Discovery! Kappa-Approved Hydrogenous Spring Water.”

Whose spring water?

It’s just natural, refreshing water from mountain snow-thaw! Bogus fake product!

Notes[edit]

  1. "Hydrogenous Water" was somehow suddenly promoted in Japan by many health food companies in 2015-2016. Of course it's just a typical chemical substance, and it shouldn't be viewed as anything other than a scam by any adult who's finished their school education. And yet, the product sold very well. It was also a topic of economic ethics and pseudo-science.
  2. “Grass-springing water” (kusouzu / historically kusahudu, 草生水) is originally on the system of another-kanji spelling. The original word, "stinky water" (kusouzu / historically kusaudu, 臭水) sounded bad, so another kanji was used in many cases. “Kusouzu” is actually an old Japanese word for oil, which is why Aya is saying that it’s burnable.
  3. It's recorded in July of the 7th year (648 C.E.), chapter "Emperor Tenji," vol.27 of Nihon Shoki. The book is the oldest official record of Japanese history, centering around the Japanese Emperor. Rare materials were a symbol of prosperity and political power, so feudal tentants or regional powers presented such commodities. "Combustible dirt" and "combustible water" are seen as crude oil and coal. In Tainai City (formerly Kurokawa Village) Niigata Prefecture, a part of the former Koshi Province, there is the memorial facility, Kurokawa Oil Park. The name “Kurokawa” literally means “black river.”