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Hopeless Masquerade/Translation/Nitori's Script

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Nitori defeats Reimu

Nitori

弱いじゃん
何で偉そうにしてんのさ

You're pretty weak.
Why do you act so important?

Nitori

神様が妖怪を救うわけが
無いじゃん

Gods have no reason to help youkai.

Nitori defeats Marisa

Nitori

おや魔理沙さん
今日は何を買って行きます?

So, Miss Marisa
What will you buy today?

Nitori

新しい箒いります?
三十年前から変わらぬ値段です

Do you need a new broom?
It's the same price as it was 30 years ago.[1]

Nitori defeats Ichirin

Nitori

妖怪の癖になんで
仏教なんかに?

Why do you bother with something like Buddhism,
when you're a youkai?

Nitori

妖怪化する僧侶は多いけど……

やっぱり仏教ってのは
人間を辞めるためにあるんよね

There are a lot of monks who became youkai...

Surely Buddhism is for people who don't want to be human anymore.

Nitori defeats Byakuren

Nitori

ああ お香でも売れば良いのか
その辺の流木を乾かして

Say, can I sell incense too?
I could dry out some of that driftwood.

Nitori defeats Futo

Nitori

割れても元に戻るお皿か……
必要は発明の母

A plate that restores itself when it's broken, huh...
I guess necessity is the mother of invention.

Nitori defeats Miko

Nitori

ねえねえ
道教の信者には何が売れるの?

Hey, hey
What could I sell to Taoists?

Nitori

あんたの政策も
メンテが必要だね!

Your governing policies
could do with some maintenance too!

Nitori defeats herself

Nitori

今のは三蔵だ!

That was an afterimage![2]

Nitori

今のはコピーパペットだ!

That was a puppet copy of me![3]

Nitori defeats Koishi

Nitori

え? このスパナが欲しいって?
いくら出せるの?

Eh? You want this wrench? How much can you pay?

Nitori

え? このバールが欲しいって?
残念 これはバールのような物!

Eh? You want this crowbar?
Too bad! This is really just a crowbar-like object![4]

Nitori defeats Mamizou

Nitori

アレだぞ?

外の世界でいくら有名でも
ここで大きな顔してると
いつか痛い目に遭うよ

Don't you get it?

No matter how famous you are in the outside world,
if you act all self-important here
you're gonna get in trouble some day.

Nitori

何だって?
外の世界の機械は水に弱いって?
そんな馬鹿な

What?
The outside world's machines break if they get wet?
That's ridiculous.

Nitori defeats Kokoro

Nitori

新しいお面が手に入りましたよ
どれにします?

We have new masks in store.
Which one will it be?

Nitori defeats someone

Nitori

お祭り騒ぎに踊らされてる奴
なんてただのカモだ

If you dance around at the whims of a festival, you're just a mindless duck.

Nitori

何でみんな盛り上がってるんだ?
みんな程度が低いな

Why are they all getting so excited?
Everyone has some low standards around here.

Notes

  1. A popular phrase used by Saodake-sellers (竿竹屋), who drive trucks to sell bamboo poles for drying clothes. In Japan, ordinary people wonder how sellers earn money even though the commodities are not witnessed sold by anyone — in fact, a book was written about it in 2005 and it was the bestseller that year. Some people say this is a camouflage method of thieves to check homes and infiltrate easily into there. Anyway, the public image of them is enigmatic, and fishy.
  2. Probably a wordplay between Tripiṭaka (三蔵 sanzou) and afterimage (残像 zanzou).
    1. "That was an afterimage." is a net slang said to be derived from either JoJo's Bizarre Adventure or Yu Yu Hakusho.
    2. 三蔵法師 appears in Journey to the West. In the Japanese version, Sha Wujing (Sagojou), one of the three servants of him, is a kappa, while in the original Chinese version he is not one.
  3. Probably a parody of "copy robot", one of the secret tools of Doraemon.
  4. Parodying a common journalist troupe that's used to describe something a criminal used to pry something open or beat someone unconscious when the real object is unknown.