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Lyrics: 私じゃない

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Not Myself by 幽閉サテライト
Original Romanized Translation

苦しみをすべて解析すれば痛みは 自然と引くだろうとか楽観的に 時間の解決に任せようとしたが 「許そう」という意識に勝る感情は 「許さない」ではなく「許せない」に傾き 相当な長期戦になるだろうと知り 過去の当たり前が羨ましい日々が続くが 元に戻れるだろうか?なんて 悲観的に 諦めつつ それでも明日は来る

kurushimi wo subete kaisekisureba itami wa shizen to hiku darou toka rakkanteki ni jikan no kaiketsu ni makaseyou toshita ga ‘yurusou’ to iu ishiki ni masaru kanjou wa ‘yurusanai’ dewanaku ‘yurusenai’ ni katamuki soutou na choukisen ni naru darou to shiri kako no atarimae ga urayamashii hibi ga tsudzuku ga moto ni modoreru darou ka? nante hikanteki ni akirametsutsu soredemo asu wa kuru

When you analyse all your suffering, pain Is drawn in naturally, and optimistically Though I tried to just leave it up to time A feeling surpassing the willingness to forgive Isn’t unwillingness to forgive, rather the inability to Knowing it’s become just like a prolonged fight Though I keep envying what I took for granted in the past I wonder if things can’t return to how they were before Despite giving up pessimistically Tomorrow will still come

期待した分だけ 裏切りは威力があって 抑えきれない悲しみが 猛威を振るうから 無駄になった時間すべて 返してよと思う そんな被害者に酔ってる 私は私じゃない

kitaishita bun dake uragiri wa iryoku ga atte osaekirenai kanashimi ga moui wo furuu kara muda ni natte jikan subete kaeshite yo to omou sonna higaisha ni yotteru watashi wa watashi janai

Only what was expected Betrayal holds power Uncontrollable sadness Wields violence, after all Thinking of getting back All the time that went to waste So drunk on the victim’s role I’m not myself

苦しみをすべて話せばいずれ痛みは 自然と引くだろうとか過去に習って 打ち明けてみたがそう、自分にも落ち度は 山のようにあることに気付いたわけです 痛みが自分を正当化しているんだと 気付けど悔しさは収まらないわけで 負のループに巻き込まれてるわけです そんな自分誰も得をしないのにさ 知られたくて 嘆きたくて 形にしたくない

kurushimi wo subete hanaseba izure itami wa shizen to hiku darou toka kako ni naratte uchiakete mita ga sou, jibun ni mo ochido wa yama no you ni aru koto ni kidzuita wake desu itami ga jibun wo seitou kashite iru nda to kidzukedo kuyashisa wa osamaranai wake de fu no ruupu ni makikomareteru wake desu sonna jibun dare mo toku wo shinai noni sa shiraretakute nagekitakute katachi ni shitakunai

When you put your suffering into words, eventually Pain is drawn in naturally, having learnt from the past To be honest, indeed, I made my own faults too There are a lot of things that made me realise I used my pain to justify myself, and Though I know, my frustrations won’t lessen Causing me to get dragged into a loop of negativity No one gains anything if I act like this, yet Wanting to get it out, wanting to lament I don’t want to take on such a form

期待した分だけ 裏切りは威力があって 抑えきれない悲しみが 猛威を振るうから 無駄になった時間すべて 返してよと思う そんな被害者に酔ってる 私は私じゃない

kitaishita bun dake uragiri wa iryoku ga atte osaekirenai kanashimi ga moui wo furuu kara muda ni natte jikan subete kaeshite yo to omou sonna higaisha ni yotteru watashi wa watashi janai

Only what was expected Betrayal holds power Uncontrollable sadness Wields violence, after all Thinking of getting back All the time that went to waste So drunk on the victim’s role I’m not myself

知らず知らず 壊れていた 私らしさ 今どこへ?

shirazu shirazu kowareteita watashirashisa ima doko e?

Before I even knew it, it was broken Where is my sense of self, now?

指の隙間 するりとまた 床に落ちる音が

yubi no sukima sururito mata yuka ni ochiru oto ga

Slipping through my fingers, again The sounds fall to the floor

期待した分だけ 裏切りは威力があって 抑えきれない悲しみは 暴力的だから 無駄になった愛をすべて どうしようと嘆く そんな被害者に酔ってる 私は私じゃない

kitaishita bun dake uragira wa iryoku ga atte osaekirenai kanashimi wa bouryokuteki dakara muda ni natta ai wo subete doushiyou to nageku sonna higasha ni yotteru watashi wa watashi janai

Only what was expected Betrayal holds power Uncontrollable sadness Is violent, after all Lamenting what to do With all this useless love So drunk on the victim’s role I’m not myself

Lyrics source: Translation by Fuyuko