Talk:Embodiment of Scarlet Devil/Story/Prologue

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Changes

These are the changes that I have made in EoSD prologue. If anybody finds the original way more appropriate, please let me know.

  • Gensokyo was leading days more noisy than expected. ---> Every day in Gensokyo was more noisy than expected.

I had no idea what "leading days" was supposed to mean so I changed the sentence to be clearer.

  • A mysterious visitor would have thought that even the ghosts of summertime were in a state of bewilderment. ---> Any mysterious visitor would be confused with a ghost of summertime.

I'm not sure which is correct. Visitor is confused for ghost or the ghost is confused?

  • Scarlet-colored ===> Scarlet

Redundant

  • A place called Gensokyo. ---> Thus the place is called Gensokyo.
  • The target was the flat surface of the mysterious mist. ---> With her body surrounded by the mysterious mist.

The original doesn't seem to tell anything about "target" or "surface" at all.

  • A normal human would only survive for about 30 minutes in that fog... ---> This mysterious energy was so strong that a normal human would only survive for about 30 minutes...

The Japanese transcription focuses on the 妖気, which I translate as energy because that's what also in other places.

  • Well, even humans create... ---> Well, humans usually create...
  • And all "fog" is changed to "mist" for consistency throughout the wiki.

Kageshirou (talk) 04:04, 28 July 2016 (UTC)