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Talk:Lyrics: 童祭 ~ Innocent Treasures (ZUN)

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Cleaning the Translation

Hey, I would like to take a closer look at this translation and try to clean it up, with some help if possible. I'm putting in a preliminary of my version of the translation in ()'s for comparison. Leave a note with your thoughts on any part. Feel free to mess around with the words inside ()'s, but if you do, please leave a note with why. I thought this setup might aid in discussion.

I did change the notes to be a bit cleaner, but since I do not properly understand 夢違え, I don't feel I should mess with its note. -StrikerX22 00:11, 13 January 2011 (UTC)


Warabe Matsuri ~ Innocent Treasures 童祭 ~ Innocent Treasures Kid's Festival ~ Innocent Treasures
Lyrics/Composition: ZUN Vocal: None

1 Yume tagae, maboroshi no asamoya no sekai no kioku wo
2 Utsushi-yo wa, kuzure-yuku suna no ue ni
3 Sora-yume no, inishie no yuugen no sekai no rekishi wo
4 Hakujitsu wa, shizumi-yuku machi ni

1 夢違え、幻の朝靄の世界の記憶を

2 現し世は、崩れゆく砂の上に

3 空夢の、古の幽玄の世界の歴史を

4 白日は、沈みゆく街に

1 Dream divertisement[1], with a memory of a world of morning mist in an illusionary world.
([Dream charm][2], a memory of a world of the morning mist of an illusion)
StrikerX22:[It would probably take some good effort for me to research 夢違え to any extent that Masuo64 understands it. That is, I haven't had much luck. However, I'm not sure if "divertisement" fits (it's also an uncommon word, and confused with divertissement). It'd be nice if someone could inform me on 夢違え details, such as: Is this a charm to cause a dream to see the future? And by seeing the future, you can change your destiny? Or, is it something that changes your destiny and informs you of it? Is it sometimes simply a wish granting charm/spell?]

2 Factual world, puts it on sand falling apart.[3]
(In the evident world, on shifting sand.[4])
StrikerX22:[I assume 現し世 means "the world that is evident, observable, indicated," hence the "factual" translation.]

3 Daydream's, its history of an ancient mystic world
(Of make-believe, the history of an ancient mystical world)
StrikerX22:[空夢 is a bit confusing. Is it a made-up story that you tell people? (If so, is it a "lie" or a "story"?) Or is it a daydream that you see?]

4 Daylight, puts it into town going dirty.
(In the bright sunlight, in a town that sinks away.)
StrikerX22:[沈みゆく街: I believe this was mistakenly copy/pasted with the translation from the final line.]

5 Maboroshi ka, sa-jou no roukaku na no ka
6 Yo-ake made, kono yume, kochou no yume

5 幻か、砂上の楼閣なのか

6 夜明け迄、この夢、胡蝶の夢

5 Is it an illusion, or a castle on sand?
(An illusion? Or is it a castle on sand?)

6 Till daybreak, this dream is, a butterfly dream.
(Till daybreak, this dream, a butterfly dream.[5])

7 Yume tagae, maboroshi no kurenai no yashiki no isai wo
8 Utsushi-yo wa, chi-no-ke-nai ishi no ue ni
9 Sora-yume no, inishie no utsukushiki miyako no o-togi wo
10 Hakujitsu wa, kegare-yuku machi ni

7 夢違え、幻の紅の屋敷の異彩を

8 現し世は、血の気無い石の上に

9 空夢の、古の美しき都のお伽を

10 白日は、穢れゆく街に

7 Dream divertisement, with the strange color of an illusionary scarlet mansion.
([Dream charm], the mansion's conspicuous color of illusionary scarlet.)
or ([Dream charm], the conspicuous color of an illusionary scarlet mansion.)
StrikerX22:[I may be incorrect (and rusty), but my impression is that illusionary applies to scarlet more, than to mansion (though of course the mansion is not real as well,) hence my first translation. The 2nd assumes otherwise.]

8 Factual world, puts it on a cold-hearted stone.
(In the evident world, on cold-hearted stone.)

9 Daydream's, its fairy tale of an ancient beautiful capital.
(Of make-believe, the fairy tale of an ancient beautiful capital)

10 Daylight, puts it into town going dirty.
(In the bright sunlight, in a town becoming impure.)

  • These are the official lyrics, though ZUN didn't have anyone sing them.

^  "Yume-tagae" is a magic done in order to divert the destiny; on medieval Japanese folklore, a buddha or god comes and show a human the future in one's dream, then a dream is commonly the view in near future even if it isn't related to gods.
^  This phrase borrows an idea of a Japanese idiom "Sa-jou no roukaku", which appears three lines underneath. It is literally "mansion on the sand", and means "something easy to break down because of its weak foundation", or "something impossible to come true" (bad meaning).
^  A philosophical idea dealing with the question, "Did I just dream of being a butterfly, or is the butterfly dreaming of being me?" For more info, see butterfly dream.