Talk:Urban Legend in Limbo/Story/Mamizou's Script

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About Mamizou's speech[edit]

Mamizou has, more so than any other Touhou character, a highly noticeable speech pattern, so much that even the shortest of sentences are unmistakably recognizable as hers without any other context. This isn’t reflected in the ULiL (or HM, or TD) translation, and with these revision I will aim to fix that. Mamizou speaks a very old-timey, rural Japanese, and here I’ll be trying out ways to try and convey that. When I feel that it is needed I will on this page also share a literal non-localized translation, so that we can easier separate any translation problems from localization problems. This is a test run. Constructive criticism is highly encouraged. I'd also like to know if people approve of this style of translation for Mamizou, as that would make it easier for to move on and revise the rest of her dialogue. Ideally I would like to rework all of Mamizou's dialogue in all games she's present, but for now ULiL will serve as a guinea pig of sorts.


Revisions[edit]

  • 1 Mamizou defeats Reimu

何となく means more "somehow" rather than "somewhat", which would be an important nuance in the case of the youkai-like shrine maiden.

Literal:
Transforming into you is easy!
Since you’re somehow tanuki-like and all.
  • 2 Mamizou defeats Marisa

The focus is on the nature of the scares and not the kids, and "the kind of kids" takes that focus away. Translation lacks inclusion of the も. そんなもん does have a somewhat negative nuance, so tried to keep that as well.

Literal:
The Seven School Mysteries, now that’s nostalgic.
The kids who were scared of that sort of stuff are all gone, too.
  • 3 Mamizou defeats Ichirin

Retranslated ハイカラ to "Stylish" to go with the translation of Ichirin and Unzan's theme. 随分 is stronger than just “pretty”.

Literal:
How very stylish.
Did something happen to the temple?
  • 4 Mamizou defeats Byakuren

First: I feel that just putting ノーコメント in English might not be optimal. The use of this line as a way to mockingly reference formal declination of questions in the media by politician, celebrities, convicts etc might be a lot more common in Japanese than in English, and thus some of the humor is lost. I've localized to "I have the right to remain silent", but please let me know if you think this is unnecessary.

Literal:
....No comment.

Second: This is a bit backwards. Mamizou is pointing out that Byakuren has misinterpreted her urban legend.

Literal:
Isn’t the granny supposed run down the highway on her own two feet?
  • 5 Mamizou defeats Futo

First: This one is appears to have a typo. The final line, ひどうのうひどいのう, is most likely meant to be either 非道ひどいのう, or ひどいのうひどいのう. While the first option makes little sense to me in this context and the second line fits well into line with Mamizou's usual banter, my money is on the latter. Input on this would be greatly appreciated. For now I will not fix the typo. Will make a footnote about this. As for the revision: お皿の一枚や二枚で, is not her counting plates. やられる appears to have been translated as やれる.

Literal:
With just one or two plates,
you sure can make a lot of damage,
good grief...

Second: This line is identical to Mamizou's line to Futo in HM, sans the といってるじゃろ. The translation lacks an inclusion of this final line, and also omits the meanings of the だが and the 儂ら.

Literal:
I'll keep saying it.
Feng-shui makes use of the power of nature,
but we have power that transcends the natural.
  • 6 Mamizou defeats Miko

It's not a question.

  • 7 Mamizou defeats Nitori

Just rephrasing here.

  • 8 Mamizou defeats Koishi

Ditto for both lines.

  • 9 Mamizou defeats herself

Only problem is that いかん means "no good", it's not specifically a plead to stop.

Literal:
This is no good, no good at all.
We won’t be able to tell which one’s the real deal!
  • 11 Mamizou defeats Mokou

First: Translation makes it sound like she's agreeing with Mokou, instead she is specifically saying she dislikes the bamboo forest because of the rabbits.

Literal:
Since the bamboo forest is the rabbits’ territory,
I’m not too fond of it.

Second: しかし is mistranslated. Mamizou is basically saying that she doesn't believe in true immortality even after meeting Mokou. I liked the use of the word "hogwash" so I kept it.

  • 12 Mamizou defeats Shinmyoumaru

First: Isshun Boushi is translated as "dwarf" for some reason, other than that the translation is literal. My translation here is a rather liberal take as this line does not give you much to work with. It is unsure whether or not Mamizou speaks as if she equals all kobito to Isshun Boushi or if she recognizes Shinmyoumaru's lineage. I tried to find a phrasing that conveys a similar meaning in English without it being too vague or unnatural. Input would be appreciated. Second: Just rephrasing.

  • 13 Mamizou defeats Kasen

The Fiji Mermaid does have some Japanese connections, but it is not specified to be a Japanese 人魚. As a result I was a bit unsure what to do here since the Japanese text simply reads 人魚のミイラ, while it also seems unlikely that ZUN would reference a generic mermaid mummy. For now I have decided to keep this reference intact. 干物 refers to foodstuffs, specifically fish. I choose to translate this to "sundries" for a similar comedic effect.

  • 14 Mamizou defeats Sumireko

First: Mostly just rephrasing. 有り難がる feels weaker than "worship" and translating 文化 to "something" feels off. There’s also no translation of その念.

Literal:
There’s a cultural movement on the outside where people praise the power spots.
It’s that devotion that’s powering the occult balls.

Second: Just rephrasing. Appears to be foreshadowing WaHH chapter 30, so will make a footnote about that. Third: I'd really need some input on this one. Not sure what 往年 means in this context. Looked it up best I could, and as I interpret it Mamizou is warning Sumireko she will look back on her past in regret (in the future) if she does not study. I'd really like a second opinion on this though, if someone if familiar with this word or type of expression. As for other revisions: I see no meaning for 往年 that would mean anything related to re-doing years in school, and the entire second segment is backwards. With that in mind, translating 人間 to "mankind" also feels off.

  • 15 Generic victory

First: Minor rephrasing. Second: “Hint” is in katakana but the nuance of this word appears to be different from it’s native use. Mamizou is saying is that the capsules were hints to herself on how to figure out the aliens. However, “I used them as hints” sounds strange, and “they became clues to me” sounds only marginally better, especially since we don’t know what aspect of the aliens she’s talking about. For now I have translated it as this, input would be appreciated.

Literal:
The alien capsules that were used as toys by kids on the outside is what I’ve used as inspiration.
  • 16 Notes

Added note about possible typo. Added note about foreshadowing WaHH. Added note about reference to Mamizou's versus Futo quote in Hm.


--Huppa (talk) 18:09, 10 June 2016 (UTC)