Talk:Urban Legend in Limbo/Story/Marisa's Scenario

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I've done some revisions to the translation. Most of them are phrasing changes, some of them really minor, but there's retranslations and grammar fixes as well. I like the style used for Marisa's dialogue so I tried to keep it intact.

A brief list of some notable edits;

  • Ichirin's dialogue has been rewritten to express the change in her attitude. She normally speaks very causally, but before being defeated by Marisa she speaks incredibly formally, which Marisa seems to notice.
  • Ichirin's line "あら、にじみ出る覚者の風格が出てきました?" appeared mistranslated, so fixed that.
  • Kasen's line 予定は狂ったが始めるか appeared to be misinterpreted? 予定 refers more to one's personal "plans", rather than as in some sort of grander scheme of things. Input on this would be appreciated.
  • I felt like I spent a lot of time removing fluff from Kasen and Sumireko's dialogue's, altering them to stay more true to the Japanese lines. I also tried to "sharpen" Kasen's dialogue when needed, she has some quite intimidating mannerisms/phrasings here and there.
  • "Know that only death awaits failure!"; I'm not sure if this is grammatically correct, for now I've changed it to "Know that if you fail, death alone awaits!" but feel free to revert this edit if it was unnecessary.
  • Marisa saying 女子高生 all in kana means she's doesn't know what it means and is just mimicking the sounds. I tried to convey this by making her say "hai-skool gurl", which is a little silly, but hopefully gets things across better. This is a bit hard to translate since Marisa just a few sentences ago figured out what a "high school" was, ("koukou" and "joushikousei" have a much less obvious connection by how they're read) but there doesn't seem to be anyway around this.
  • almost for got but: Kasen's line "さっき先手を打った貴方の強さを試したのもそれよ" appeared to have been misread as two lines, (さっき先手を打った/貴方の強さを試したのもそれよ). So, fixed that.

Anyway, for all changes made you'd have to look at the page history. Sorry if it's a bit messy, I kept going back and doing minor changes. --Huppa (talk) 20:07, 30 July 2016 (UTC)