Touhou Gouyoku Ibun/Story/Joon and Shion's Scenario

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Stage 1[edit]

第一話
「夢の大豪遊」

Chapter 1
"The Great Spending Spree of Dreams"

旧地獄温泉

Former Hell's Hot Spring

BGM: 旧地獄街道を行く

BGM: Walking the Streets of a Former Hell

Joon

うわぁ凄い
本当に温泉だ!

Woah, this is amazing!
There's really a ton of hot springs!

Shion

噂の通りね
地底に温泉街があるって

The rumors were right.
There's an entire hot-spring town underground...

Joon

この世の全てが買える程の富豪になるという
石油が手に入ったんだし

今日はここで大豪遊しよう!

And we've got tons of petroleum: the thing that people
say can make you rich enough to buy the whole world.

Today's gonna be an all-expenses-paid vacation trip!

Shion

やったー
今夜はおだいじーん!

Woohoo~!
We're gonna live it up tonight!

Yuugi Hoshiguma ENTERS

Yuugi

ようこそ
旧地獄温泉街へ

今日はどちらに行くか
決まってるのかい?

Greetings!
Welcome to Former Hell's hot spring town.

Do you have any particular location
in mind for today?

Joon

全部、全部

今日は貸し切りよ!

金ならいくらでも湧くからね!

All of them! All of them!

We're gonna rent out the whole town for just the two of us!

If you want money, it'll come gushing up as much as you want!

Shion

キャー痺れるー!

Kyaaaa! I'm getting shivers!

Yuugi

ふふふ、ご冗談を……

そんな臭い水で温泉が
買えると思うな

*Chuckle.* That's quite a funny joke...

If you think you can buy a hot spring with stinking
water like that, you'd better think again.

BGM: 華のさかづき大江山

BGM: A Flower-Studded Sake Dish on Mt. Ooe

Yuugi

どうかお帰りくだせえ!

Time for you to leave this establishment!

決闘開始!

Duel Start!

Yuugi Hoshiguma DEFEATED

Joon

一番高い酒を持ってこーい!

Bring us your most expensive sake!

Shion

高い食べ物ももってこーい

And your most expensive meal, too!

Yuugi

貸し切りには出来んが

ちゃんとお金があるのなら
用意してやる

I can't let you rent out the whole town.

But if you actually have money,
I can at least fill your orders.

Joon

石油王に向かって失札な言い草ね

金ならいくらでも湧いてくる

How dare you speak to an oil baron with a rude mouth like that!

If you want money, it'll come gushing up as much as you want.

Yuugi

あと、他のお客に迷惑を
掛けるなよ?

And try not to bother
the other guests, okay?

Stage 2[edit]

第二話
「依神姉妹の誰にも聞かせられない話」

Chapter 2
"The Yorigami Sisters' Dirty Secret"[1]

BGM: 不朽の曼珠沙華

BGM: Everlasting Red Spider Lily

旧灼熱地獄

Former Hell of Blazing Fires

Shion

ここは何処?

Where are we?

Joon

ここは核融合炉の炉心内部

実はね、私達の石油の産出源は
主にここだったのよ

いつも燃えていて
とんでもなく危険な場所、なんだけど

何これ
何で水没してるの?

もしやこれが原因で
石油の産出が止まってた?

This is the fusion reactor's central core.

You see, uh, this was actually
our main source of petroleum.

It's usually on fire and
super-crazy-dangerous, but...

What the heck?
Why's it flooded?

Maybe this is the reason
that the petroleum's dried up?

Shion

石油が止まってた!?

It's DRIED UP?!

Joon

しーっ!
声が大きい

石油の産出が止まってた事が
バレたら私達……

SHHH!
Not so loud.

If word gets out about how the petroleum's
stopped flowing, then we'll...

Shion

誰もお金を出さなくなってしまう

また貧乏に戻ってしまうわ!

それは絶対阻止しないと

Nobody will give us money any more!

We'll be poor all over again!

We have GOT to stop that from happening.

Joon

この事は誰にも秘密ね

バレたらツケが返せない……

So this is top-secret from everyone, got it?

Or else we'll never be able to pay our IOUs...

Kutaka Niwatari ENTERS

Kutaka

よし、流水量低下を確認

まもなく元通りになるでしょう

さて、彼岸に帰るとするか

...And there. Reduction in flow rate confirmed.

Things should be back to normal any moment now.

I suppose it's time for me to return to Higan, then?

Shion

ねえ、この鳥に今の話聞かれたんじゃない?

Psst. Did this bird hear everything we just said?

Joon

ぐぬぬ、怨みはないが
私達の財産を守るためだ

Grrrgh. I have no grudge against you,
but we need to do this to protect our finances!

BGM: セラフィックチキン

BGM: Seraphic Chicken

Joon

死ねい!

DIE!

決闘開始!

Duel Start!

Kutaka Niwatari DEFEATED

Kutaka

何なのよー
あんた達は

What on Earth?!
Who are you two?!

Joon

疫病神改め
石油王の依神女苑

Joon Yorigami! Local pestilence god turned oil baron.

Shion

貧乏神改め
富豪神の依神紫苑よ

Shion Yorigami. Local poverty god turned billionaire god.

Kutaka

庭渡久侘歌です

私は三途の河から水が漏れて
いたのを修復しにきたのです

貴方達と戦う理由なんて
ありません

I'm Kutaka Niwatari.

I've come to repair the Sanzu River and
stop its water from leaking into here.

I have absolutely no reason to fight
either of you.

Joon

私達がここにいたことを
誰にも言うなよ

Don't tell ANYBODY that you
saw us down here, understand?

Kutaka

はいはい

そんな面白くもない話
誰にするって言うんですか

ちなみにまもなくここは
業火に包まれると思いますので

ここに居たら危険だと思いますよ

Whatever you say.

Who would I even tell
such a boring fact to?

Oh, and by the way. I suppose this area is going to be
bathed in hellfire in a few moments.

It would be rather dangerous
to stay here, if you ask me.

Stage 3[edit]

第三話
「獄炎の鳥」

Chapter 3
"Bird of Hellfire"

BGM: 業火マントル

BGM: Hellfire Mantle

旧灼熱地獄

Former Hell of Blazing Fires

Joon

熱い熱い!

凄い勢いで水が引いたと
思ったら、すぐにこれとは

Hot, hot, hot!

All the water suddenly drained out super fast, and not two seconds later, it's like THIS?

Shion

さっきの鳥の言うとおりに
なったわね

でも本当にこの先に石油があるのー?

Just like that bird
from a minute ago said.

Are you sure there's more petroleum down here, though?

Joon

それは間違いないわ

No doubt about that.

A fireball passes by

Joon

危ない!

Look out!

Several fireballs pass by

Joon

何だ!
誰の仕業だ!

What the?!
Who's doing that?!

Utsuho Reiuji ENTERS

BGM: 霊知の太陽信仰

BGM: Solar Sect of Mystic Wisdom

決闘開始!

Duel Start!

Utsuho PAUSES

Utsuho

まだ燃え尽きていないとは……

こうなったら自らも
燃え尽きるつもりで焼いてやる!

You're still not burnt away...?

In that case, I'll have to roast you hard
enough to burn myself away along with you!

Utsuho Reiuji DEFEATED

Utsuho

はあはあ

灼熱地獄に紛れ込んだ不純物を
排除する!

*Pant, pant...*

I have to eliminate any contaminants that get into
the Hell of Blazing Fires!

Joon

獄炎の鳥だ
こいつはまるで不死鳥だ!

こんな奴に構っていられない
さっさと逃げよう!

She's a bird of hellfire!
She's practically immortal!

We don't have time to waste messing with her!
Get out of here, quick!

Shion

逃げろ逃げろー!

Run away! Run awaaaay!

Yorigami Sisters EXIT

Utsuho

ん?
敵と戦っていた気がするけど

気のせいだったか

Hm?
I feel like I was fighting someone just now...

Maybe it was my imagination.

Stage 4[edit]

第四話
「油田は私達の物だ」

Chapter 4
“The Oil Field Belongs to Us”

Shion

ここは……?

This is...?

石油の海

Sea of Petroleum

BGM: 大地の底、剛欲の海

BGM: Depths of the Earth, Ocean of Avarice

Joon

石油だ
石油の海だー!

良かった、石油が枯渇したわけ
じゃなかったね

これでまだ豪遊できるわ
よーしここは私達のもんだ!

Petroleum!
An entire sea of petroleum!

Thank goodness. I guess our supply
hasn't literally dried up.

Our life of leisure can safely resume!
Now, time to grab all the petroleum we can!

Kanako Yasaka ENTERS

Kanako

は……
何故お前達がここに?

What...?
What are you two doing down here?

Joon

む、私の石油を盗みに来たな

Mmgh! Here to steal our petroleum, are you?

BGM: 神さびた古戦場

BGM: The Venerable Ancient Battlefield

Joon

許さん!

Unforgivable!

決闘開始!

Duel Start!

First Spell Card Defeated

Kanako

石油に群がる亡者め!

さっきの羊といい
疫病神といい

お前達みたいのが勝手な行動を
取るから事態が悪化するんだ!

石油に溺れて死ね!

Kanako Yasaka DEFEATED

Joon

石油は一滴たりとも渡さないぞ!

We won't hand over a single drop of this petroleum!

Kanako

さっきの饕餮って奴と
同じことを言いやがって……

強欲な奴は思考が一緒なんだな

First that Toutetsu woman,
and now you two...

Greedy misers all think the same way, it seems.

Joon

さっきの饕餮

私達の他にも石油を
狙っている奴がいるのかも

それはゆゆしき問題ね

そいつは何処にいる!

"First that Toutetsu woman"?

So there might be someone besides us
who's after the petroleum...

That's certainly cause for concern.

Alright. Where is she?

Kanako

お前達が来るよりも早く

ずっと前からここに
棲み着いていたみたいよ

If you must know, she actually arrived here before you.

She's been holed up in this oil field
for quite some time now.

Joon

なる程……

そいつの所為で石油の噴出が
止まったのか

I see...

So it's her fault that
the oil stopped erupting?

Kanako

お前達……

地上が汚染されているのが
判らんのか!

You two...

Are you not even aware of
how it's polluting the surface?

Joon

だから何よ

What does that matter?

Shion

石油は絶対に社会を
裕福にするわ

゙貧困に勝る悪はない

裕福なお前には
判らないんだろうけど!

Petroleum absolutely brings
wealth to society.

And there's no greater evil in the world than poverty.

Not that someone wealthy like you
could ever understand!

Kanako

……しょうもない

饕餮って奴に喰われるがいい

あいつの方がまだ話が出来た

さらば、この世界で
一番底辺な神よ

...Alright, then.

Go get eaten by that Toutetsu, if you want.

Even she was easier to get through to than you two.

Farewell to you,
the two most bottom-rung gods in the world.

Joon

うるさい
死ねい!

Shut up!
Drop dead!

Joon Yorigami Enters Back Door

Shion

え!
女苑、何処に行ったの!!

あーれー……

Huh?
Joon, where'd you go?!

Whaaaaaat...?!

Shion Yorigami Enters Back Door

Kanako

あれ! 居なくなったか

もう饕餮を探しに行ったのかな!

行動力だけはある奴らだねぇ
そこだけは専敬できるが……

Huh? Did they leave?

Gone to search for Toutetsu already, perhaps?

Well, they're nothing if not proactive.
I suppose I can at least respect that...

Stage 5[edit]

第五話
*おおっと*

Chapter 5
*Oops!*[2]

BGM: 魔法少女達の百年祭

BGM: The Centennial Festival for Magical Girls

Shion

あいたたた

Ow-ow-ow-ow.

Joon

何処だ! ここ!

ムカっく山の神の背中を蹴飛ばそうとした
だけなのに……

Where the heck is this?

I was just trying to kick that annoying mountain god
in her big, dumb back...

Shion

背中にワープトラップを
仕掛けていたなんて、やられたわ

I never would've thought she had a warp trap
hidden in her back. She totally got us...

Joon

ワープトラップ、だと

……なる程やられた

挑発してわざと背中を蹴らせる
つもりだったんだな……

まんまと載せられた

A warp trap...?!

...I see. She did indeed get us.

She must've been taunting us to make us
kick her back on purpose, then...

We fell for it hook, line and sinker.

Flandre Scarlet ENTERS

紅魔館

Scarlet Devil Mansion

Flandre

(かわ) すな
死ねい!

Don't you dare dodge!
Die!

Joon

だ、誰だ!!

W-who?!

Flandre

こいつもやっつけて良いんでしょ!

I can beat these two up too, right?

Okina Matara ENTERS

Okina

もちろん

標的の方から背中に
飛び込んで来る事もある

思う存分、戦って良い

Naturally.

Sometimes, your target might even leap
through a back door of their own accord.

Battle them to your heart's content.

Okina Matara LEAVES

BGM: U.N.オーエンは彼女なのか?

BGM: U.N. Owen Was Her?

Flandre

よーし、久々に暴れられるわー!

今度こそ、死ねい!

All right! I get to run wild for the first time in ages!

This time, you're REALLY gonna die!

決闘開始!

Duel Start!

Second Spell Card Defeated

Flandre

中々やるじゃないの

準備運動にしてはちょっと
過剰かもしれないわ

そろそろ終わりに
しましょう!

Flandre Scarlet DEFEATED

Joon

つ、強い……

S-strong...!

Flandre

ハアハア、久しぶりの
運動は気持ちいいわぁ

*Pant, pant!* It sure feels nice
to get some exercise for once.

Joon

お前も石油を狙っているのか!

Are you after the petroleum, too?

Flandre

石油……何それ

Petroleum... the heck's that?

Joon

私達は石油を奪おうとする
奴以外と戦う気は無い!

゙頼むから元の場所に
戻してちょうだい……

We don't care about fighting anyone
except petroleum thieves!

So can you send us back to where we were? Like, seriously.

Door Appears

Shion

女苑!
あの扉が開いたわ

Joon!
That door opened again!

Joon

飛び込め!

Get in! Get in!

Yorigami Sisters LEAVE

Stage 6/7[edit]

第六話
「強欲どもの約束の地」

Chapter 6
“The Greedy Ones' Promised Land”

石油の海

Sea of Petroleum

BGM: 大地の底、剛欲の海

BGM: Depths of the Earth, Ocean of Avarice

Yuuma

……一つ掘っては金のためー
二つ掘っては国のためー

三つ掘っては憎しみのため……

石油に纏わる喜悦も利便も
呪詛も憎悪も欲望も全て

一滴残らず私のもんだ

剛欲同盟は畜生界を飛び出して
世界を支配するだろう

クックック……
笑いすぎて背中がむずがゆいな

...One hole dug for money~.
Another hole dug for one's country~.

A third hole dug for hatred...[3]

Everything wrapped around this oil-- every joy, every convenience,
every curse, every animosity, every desire...

Every last drop of it is mine.

The Gouyoku Alliance will fly forth from the
Animal Realm, and take over the whole world...

Keh-heh-heh...
All this laughing has got my back feeling itchy.

Joon and Shion Yorigami ENTER

Joon

こ、ここは!!

さっきの石油の海だ!
良かったぁ

W-where are we?!

It's that petroleum sea from before!
Thank goodness...

Yuuma

お前達……
何処から出てきた!!

You two...
Where'd you come from?!

Joon

今度は、誰!

Who is it now?

Yuuma

お前達から名乗れよ

You gimme your names first.

Shion

貧乏神改め
富豪神の依神紫苑

Shion Yorigami, poverty god turned billionaire god.

Joon

疫病神改め
石油王の依神女苑よ

Joon Yorigami, pestilence god turned oil baron.

Yuuma

饕餮 (とうてつ) 尤魔 (ゆうま)

って石油王、だと!!

Yuuma Toutetsu.

--Wait, oil baron?!

BGM: 強欲な獣のメメント

BGM: Memento of an Avaricious Beast

Yuuma

ここの石油は我らが
剛欲同盟のもんだ

The oil here belongs to we,
the Gouyoku Alliance!

Joon

何だって!!
ここの石油は私達のもんだ!

Excuse you!!
The oil here belongs to us!

Shion
Joon
Yuuma

一滴たりともやらないよ!
一滴たりともやらんぞ!
一滴たりともやるもんか!

We're not giving you a single drop!
We're not handing over a single drop!
I'll never hand over a single drop!

決闘開始!

Duel Start!

Joon

交渉決裂ね

石油を全部譲ってくれたら
許してやろうと思ったが

So much for negotiating.

I was thinking that I might forgive you
if you handed over all the oil to us...

Yuuma

クックック
お前のその強欲さ、悪くないな

それに呼応して
石油達も大騒ぎしているよ

Keh-heh-heh!
You two are nice and greedy, I'll give you that.

All of my little oil friends are getting
fired up in response, too!

Shion

石油達が大騒ぎ……

可哀想に石油をペットみたいに
思ってるのね

All your little oil friends...?

Wow, that's sad. She treats the oil like it's
her pet or something.

MUSIC FADES

Yuuma

クックック
知らないようだな

この黒い水は、な
本当は石油では無い

その貧しい瞳を凝らせ!
真実が見えてくるぞ

Keh-heh-heh.
You two must not know, then.

Y'see, this black water.
It's not actually oil, per se.

Take a closer look with your deprived little eyes!
The truth oughta reveal itself to you.

棄てられた血の池地獄

Abandoned Hell of Blood Pools

BGM: 有機体全てのメメント ~ Memory of Fossil Energy.

BGM: Memento of All Organisms ~ Memory of Fossil Energy.

Joon

こ、ここは……!!
血の池地獄!!

T-this is...!
The Hell of Blood Pools?!

Yuuma

クックック……
この石油の正体は呪われた血液だ

強欲な奴をみると
生前を思い出してざわつくんだ

欲こそが、生きている証だからな

Keh-heh-heh...
This "petroleum" is actually cursed blood.

_________

Desire is the number-one proof that something's alive, after all!

Shion

き、気持ち悪い……

T-this is really gross...

Joon

石油って、こういう物だったの!

Seriously? This is what petroleum is?

Yuuma

無論、こういう物さ

外の世界では
それを承知で使いまくってるぞ

元来、石油というのは
生物由来の生成物なんだ

生命の恐怖、哀楽、憎悪、怨嗟の
全てがこの液体の正体なんだよ

私のように欲を喰らって
生きるような者じゃない限り扱えん

永遠の貧乏人は去れ!

Yep, absolutely.

In the Outside World, they even use tons of the stuff
while knowing full well what it is!

Petroleum has always
been produced from organic beings.

This liquid has always been made from the fear, pleasure,
grief, loathing, and resentment of living creatures!

________

Now get out of here, you pair of eternal poors!

Shion

誰が貧乏人だ!

貧乏のことは言うなー!

Who are you calling poor?!

Poor?! Seriously?! Shut UP about that!

Joon

あ、キレた

Oh. Looks like you hit a nerve.

Shion

石油だろうが血液だろうが関係無い!

貧困からの脱却の為にも
石油を全てよこせー!

Who cares if it's petroleum or blood or whatever?!

We're gonna escape our deprived lifestyle, and for that to happen,
you're gonna hand over all the oil to us!

Joon

姉さんがキレたらもう
やるしか無いね

やっぱり石油がどんな物であれ
一滴たりとも譲らない!

Well, if my big sis is freaking out,
then there's nothing to do but fight.

It doesn't matter what that petroleum is!
We're not parting with a single drop after all!

Yuuma

その強欲さ、大好物だ

石油にくれてやるには勿体ない

クックック、栄養価が高そうだから
私が呑み込んでやろう

最高に胃袋が喜ぶ夜に
なりそうだ!

That's just the kind of greed I like to see!

It'd be a waste to feed you to the oil.

Keh-heh-heh! You seem nice and nutritious,
so I'll be the one to gobble you up.

Looks like my stomach's gonna be
having a great meal tonight!

決闘開始!

Duel Start!

Yuuma Toutetsu DEFEATED

  1. A parody of the TV comedy program "Hitoshi Matsumoto's Unfailing Funny Stories" (人志松本のすべらない話).
  2. A system message of the video game series "Wizardry". When opening a treasure box with trap, the message is displayed like "Oops! Xxx". Especially the trap "teleporter" is very cruel to bring the players to anywhere, even if they cannot reach the goal from there. So "*oops!*" is an old-school slang, at least for Japanese nerds, to mean "the compulsory situation to be teleported into some bad place".
  3. A wordplay of the phrase of Japanese Buddhist hymn for Jizou Bosatsu ― "Sai-no-Kawara Jizou Hymn" (賽の河原地蔵和讃). "First stack of stones, this is for their fathers. Second stack of stones, this is for their mothers" (一つ積んでは父のため、二つ積んでは母のため). There are some variants of the hymn, but they always include this part. This part illustrates the torture of still-born babies in the hell. They are enforced to stack stones in vain and its towers will be broken by oni, which repeats infinitely. They insists that the babies deserve to be in agony because their parents are crying for their babies' abortive birth and suffering in the hell.
    This serious context and Yuuma's action don't seem to match, but it might remind us of manual workers in plants. She is being bored in infinte routine and singing a song relinquishes her a little.