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One day, Marisa, Suika and Cirno were messing with the Hakurei Shrine donation box and got chased into the woods by Reimu. Reimu followed their footprints to a forest clearing, where they diverged and led to the base of three tall, leafy trees. She glared up into the boughs of one tree and shouted, "Who's up there?" A voice answered, "A Hell-Raven!"
Oh... okay...
She stomped to the base of the second tree, and glared into the branches. "Who's up there?" A voice answered: "A Nekomata!"
Reimu headed for the third tree, but before she could get there, someone yelled down, "Namazu!"

Q: What part of a miko smells the most?
A: The nose, of course.

Q: What's the darkest side of a miko?
A: The inside.

Q: What goes red-and-white and red-and-white and red-and-white?
A: A miko rolling down a hill.

Q: What's red and white and would kill you if it fell on you from a tree?
A: An ambulance. Or a miko.

Three fairies were playing in the woods when they found an unko carefully arranged in the shape of a yin-yang.
Luna Child: "What's that?"
Star Sapphire: "It looks like miko poop..."
Sunny Milk: "It smells like miko poop..."
Luna Child: "It tastes like miko poop..."
All three: "Maybe it IS miko poop!"

The following items apply specifically to Eastern red-and-white mikos (Mikos arctos horribilis), but have some applicability to other types as well.

Q: How can you tell if a miko will attack?
A: Look carefully at the miko. Does she appear well-fed? Is she aware of- Oh shit, RUN!!!

Q: How can you tell if a miko is hungry?
A: Look around you. Is it dark? Are you soaking in digestive juices? If so, the miko was hungry.

Q: No, really, I need to know *before* she tries to eat me.
A: It's a little more work, but you should be able to make a reasonable estimate using the following worksheet:

  1. Is food plentiful in the area?
  2. Does the miko's hair appear lustrous and well cared for, or matted, tangled and dirty?
  3. Is the miko rail-thin, chubby, or somewhere in between?
  4. Is the miko short, of average height, or large and powerfully built?

In any case, the miko is hungry.

If you have reached this line, the miko is not very hungry. However, this will probably never happen.

Q: What should I do if I meet a hungry miko?
A: Smear yourself with ketchup and hide between two slices of bread. She may appreciate that you saved her some trouble. Some advise running for your life. However, the drawback is that running makes mikos hungrier. Miko experts sometimes advise falling to the ground and playing dead. The rationale is that, since you're going to be dead for a long time, you might as well get some practice early so you'll be good at it.

Q: Should I feed a begging miko if I meet one? She's asking so nicely, and she looks so hungry...
A: The general answer is NO. First, the ecosystem has a natural carrying capacity for mikos. If the number of mikos exceeds this limit due to feeding by visitors, they will be continually dependent on an external food source, which is not desirable. Second, feeding mikos causes them to associate visitors with food, leading to negative interactions. If you feel sorry for her, don't worry, because mikos are actually very well adapted for surviving in their natural environment, which means that you'll probably end up feeding her anyway.

Q: How can you tell the difference between a miko and a bear?
A: One is a cunning, deadly, forest-dwelling predator, unpredictable and surprisingly fast, thought to be "cute" by a few city slickers but feared by all who live in the same general area, and the other is a bear.